Falling Apart
by Moonlight Vampiress
Summary: He missed him. He really did. He never wanted to hurt him.  Tohma/Eiri mentions of RyuToh and EiriShu. YAOI. character death. Don't like. Don't read.


I do not own Gravitation or anything concerning the characters and the songs.

**WARNING: LEMON YAOI (MxM) DON'T LIKE. DO NOT READ!**

Wow so this is new for me. I hope I get it right. So right now I will apologize for getting the characters OOC if it comes off that way. Thank you. Enjoy. (Also I have not yet read the manga -_- just watched the anime. So if anything is too similar let me know and I shall fix it thanks. MV)

* * *

Sunday Morning

The light of the sun shone through the windows of the apartment effectively and unfortunately waking acclaimed romance novelist Eiri Yuki out of his slumber. The only sound he made was a slight grunt in annoyance before sitting up and taking another cigarette out of the box and lighting it. Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Shuichi left for his first world wide tour. He could have gone with him and now he was thinking he should have gone with him, but he had wanted to enjoy the peace and quiet to work on his next novel "Eyes from a forgotten world". Its deadline was in about a month and he already had half the manuscript typed up. Now however as much as he would loathe to admit it out loud, he was thinking about his hot younger lover. The thought of Shuichi bouncing around him in that stupid puppy costume brought on a headache, that was quickly soothed when he thought of Shuichi's voice that didn't just sound good singing. Eiri shook his head. Damn that brat! How the hell was he supposed to know he would miss him after two weeks.

Sighing, he got up and went to make himself a cup of coffee in the kitchen before he went to begin working on the novel. It should at least help him focus on something else than Shuichi at the moment. A knock sounded at his door before he even made it past the spacious livingroom and into his office. Keeping an irritated look from his face, he opened the door to find Tohma standing there with what looked like food in a bag in his hand.

"Hello Eiri.", he said with a smile.

"Tohma.", Eiri said and step aside to let the young man in. After a few moments of useless conversation and hearing about how Bad Luck was doing on its sold out world tour, Eiri sighed. "Not that I don't appreciate the visit Tohma, but is there something you came here for."

Tohma looked at him with a serious expression. "How are you holding up?", he asked taking a sip of his drink.

"Fine. I have finished up half of my next book. I was currently going to go work on it when you showed up.", Eiri said taking another drag of the cigarette he just lit.

Tohma looked at him mildly concerned. "Is there anything you aren't telling me?"

"If there was, do you think i would tell you?", Eiri asked with an unamused expression.

"You know you can talk to me Eiri. I am not going to let anything else happen to you.", Tohma said eating a small bite of one of the pastries he had brought over.

Eiri sighed leaning back in the seat with one of his legs crossed over the other. "It sure is quiet and cold here.", and that was all he said concerning what was really going through his mind.

"I see. In other words you miss Shuichi.", Tohma said closing his eyes.

"...", Eiri said nothing just looking at some interesting spot to the left as Tohma was sitting on his right.

"I know how you feel Ryuichi just had to go on tour with Bad Luck. Something about seeing how well they will perform outside of Japan and getting Shuichi's autograph which I really don't understand, but thats Ryuichi for you.", Tohma said with a slight smile with his hands palm up in the air by his shoulders.

"Hmph. Don't you have something better to do than to sit here keeping me from my work.", Eiri stated letting his irritation show. He was usually not as bad with Tohma ever since the Kitazawa incident when Yuki had found him and the bodies of his sensei and the thugs that tried to rape him.

A light chuckle passed Tohma's lips at Eiri's irritation. "It seems Eiri, that we are in the same boat as it were."

Eiri glared at him. "Meaning?", he asked still irritated.

"Meaning you seem to be missing the comfort of someone being close to you no matter how annoying they can be.", Tohma said to him closing his eyes. "Don't you know it will be bad for you, if you start stressing over so much again."

"...", Eiri didn't say anything and just put out his cigarette in the astray. "I think I am going to go work on my novel now. Thank you for bringing that up. It was really helpful.", he said sarcastically and moved to get up, but was stopped by a sudden hand on his chest. He looked up at Tohma. "Y-"

His words were cut off by the feel of Tohma's lips on his. Eyes wide open he made to push his former brother in law away from him. Tohma pulled away looking lovingly into Eiri's eyes and for a moment Eiri froze unsure of what to say or do next.

"I told you Eiri. I wont hurt you. Please allow me to relieve some of your stress. It will be fine and neither Ryuichi or Shuichi will know ok. I know you don't want to hurt Shuichi and I don't want to hurt Ryuichi. Think of it as a way for us to keep it together being separated from them so long.", Tohma said looking into his eyes.

Eiri's internal battle turned into a full out war in which his protesting side seemed to give way to other things. He knew he could trust Tohma, but did he really want to betray the love Shuichi so freely gave him. Taking advantage of Eiri's momentary confusion, Tohma kissed him lightly again before pulling away. Eiri's eyes seemed a bit softer before they closed him.

"How can I do this Tohma? You are right. I don't want to hurt him and yet something...", Eiri trailed off obviously starting to lose the war inside his mind.

"Don't think Eiri. For the moment just allow yourself to feel. I only want to help relieve the stress, but if this will add to it then let me know and I will leave you alone. You are in fact the most precious person in the world to me, Eiri.", Tohma said to him softly.

Eiri thought about it. Tohma had always been there for them and this could possibly clear his head. He wasn't sure about this though. He just wasn't sure. What if Shuichi found out? Would he be forgiven or would he have betrayed yet another person close to him?

"I'll just leave Eiri. It seems like I am causing you pain." Tohma said moving away from Eiri. "I wouldn't want you to end up in the hospital again because of me. Maybe feeling lonliness is preferable to having company. A lesson I should learn perhaps."

"Don't...", a voice that sounded so much unlike Eiri as the thought of being alone at the moment forced its way to the front of his mind. "Don't leave Tohma...please...", his voice was shaking. He couldn't even believe what he was about to do.

Tohma smiled softly. "Eiri", was all he said before his lips descended on the romance novelist's soft ones. The kiss was unhurried and just as beautiful and sweet.

Eiri found himself responding to the sweetness of the kiss. His arms coming up to wrap around Tohma's neck as the young keyboardist from Nittle Grasper wrapped his arms around Eiri's waist slowly pushing him to be in a horizontal position on the couch. Soft fingers worked their way up Eiri's body before slowly unbuttoning his shirt and breaking the kiss. Their eyes connected for just a few moments before Tohma's mouth descended upon him and started to kiss his exposed flesh. A blush started to appear on his face as the musician worked his body to a response like a fragile one of a kind instrument. The shirt was gone within the next few minutes leaving Eiri bare chested underneath Tohma's gaze.

"You are so beautiful Eiri.", Tohma said removing his hat and top as well. "Almost like an unreachable dream that I can finally touch."

Kisses were placed on Eiri's neck careful not to leave any marks, no matter how tempting it would be to temporarily mark Eiri as his. His hands touched every part of Eiri he could see. The man beneath him, no matter how he may seem to others, was nothing short of an angel in his eyes. He wanted more and needed more, to have his fill of him though he forced his body to continue to take things slowly. A pink tongue came out and darted across one of the hardened peaks of flesh on Eiri's chest nipping just enough to earn a pleased gasp from Eiri's lips. Almost expert hands worked open the button of Eiri's pants as his tongue traced down his body.

Eiri was a mixed of emotions that were slowly getting taken over by pleasure. He could feel Tohma's tongue sensually running down his chest. He could feel him undo and slip off his pants and boxers. A thought of Shuichi passed through his mind. He should stop this, he may not want to be alone, but Shuichi was more precious to him than just a quick release of stress. Just as he was about to move and push Tohma away he felt a nice wet heat engulf his member. All thoughts seem to go out the window as he looked down into Tohma's blue eyes with his own gold ones. The sight of his former brother in law with his lips wrapped around him was almost enough to undo him then and there. A flash of Shuichi's face and then nothing but Tohma consumed his mind at the moment.

Tohma continued licking and sucking on him loving the fact that Eiri was starting to make more sounds and moans. They were the true embodiment of music. He was in a world famous band, managed and heard many other bands and yet nothing sounded nearly as sweet as Eiri moaning beneath him...wanting him. He slowly removed his own pants as he continued tasting Eiri. A hand then snaked its way up to Eiri's slightly open mouth and slipped three fingers inside. He moaned around the member in his mouth as Eiri started licking and sucking on the inserted digits. Tohma sucked a bit harder trying not to lose himself completely in the sensation of Eiri licking his fingers like that. It made his thoughts think of what else that sinfully delicious mouth could do as well as causing a large amount of heat to surge to his already painfully hard member. He removed his fingers spreading Eiri's legs a little wider before slipping a finger inside.

Eiri gasped feeling the intruding finger enter him. It was a strange and foreign feeling yet it was a welcomed one. The finger slid in and out of his entrance as Tohma starting once again kissing up his body. Their lips connected again in a more heated and passionate kiss. It surprised Eiri because he thought he would only be able to access that passion with Shuichi and yet here was Tohma pulling it out of him. Another finger was added and Eiri winced noticeably. He heard Tohma whispering how it was all going to be ok in his ear and he started to relax as yet another finger was added. A gasp of pain escaped his lips before they were covered with Tohma's own. The fingers moved in and out of him before hitting his prostate and he moaned into their kiss arching slightly as Tohma kept hitting that spot over and over again. He felt the fingers slide out of him and the kiss break before feeling the tip of Tohma's member pressing against his entrance.

Tohma placed his arms on either side of the panting writer. "Are you ready for me Eiri?", he asked in a low whisper looking down at Eiri with affection and lust. With the small nod he received he slowly pushed inside him. He knew it was probably somewhat painful, but he couldn't stop now. He didn't want to. He wanted to give Eiri everything he had so that Eiri would never forget this moment. So that he would always remember when they were back with their respective lovers. He pushed until he was fully inside and stopped with his eyes closed. He felt a small movement meaning that Eiri was ready to continue. He opened his eyes looking down into golden hues. Those eyes soft and full of mounting desire almost made Tohma shatter from the beauty of it. He bent down and kissed Eiri softly before pulling out slowly and pushing back in hitting his prostate in the process.

Eiri had never felt anything like this. The light sweat that was now covering his and Tohma's bodies combined with the overwhelming intoxicated feeling of being filled was destroying what little control the usually cold and sarcastic romance novelist had left. Tohma was moving nice and slow making sure to hit his sweet spot each and every time. He pulled Tohma into a kiss after urging him to move faster and harder. It seemed the musician was more than happy to comply as the thrusts became more fierce making Eiri cry out holding on to TOhma as if his life depended on it. At the moment, his thoughts were not on anything but the pleasure he was receiving. He may regret this later, but for now he wanted nothing more than to keep feeling whatever this was.

Tohma could feel his need to release starting to build up on him. His free hand moved to start pumping Eiri's neglected member in time with his thrusts. The moans of both started to fill the apartment before he felt wetness on his hand and chest. He looked to see Eiri's face changed into one of ecstasy as the man released into his hand and on their chests. The tightening of the entrance around his member sent Tohma over the edge as he spilled himself into Eiri. They lay there like that in the after glow of their lovemaking before Tohma removed himself from Eiri. He looked at the man who seemed to have fallen asleep after such a powerful climax and smile lightly. He went and found a cloth cleaning them both up and got dressed. He found a blanket and laid it over Eiri's body before bending down and giving him a soft kiss.

"Sleep well Eiri. You really are the most precious person.", Tohma said softly before leaving the apartment.

When the door shut Eiri opened his eyes laying there and staring at the ceiling. _What have I done? Forgive me Shuichi. Please forgive me. I do love you Shuichi._ Those were his thoughts before he slipped into an actual sleep.

***Two Months Later***

They were coming back today and Eiri had spent the time to actually set up something nice at home for when Shuichi came back. It had been two months since he saw him and even after what happened, he still couldn't wait to see his pink haired rockstar lover. He had finished the book and it had been a great success. He wouldn't be here until late tonight, but he would wait for him. A song started to play in the background. It was sung by Shuichi at the Tokyo Bay Music Festival and yet for someone reason it brought up thoughts of another as he pressed his hand to the glass door of his apartment and looked up at the moon.

_The orange colored moon has come into the night_

_ I'm thinking about you_

_ Every word was set in place_

_ Like someone's steps_

_ Suddenly looking up at the silhouette _

_Your profile was shining_

_ In the faint light, even now_

How could he remember Tohma at a time like this? And to a song sung by his own beloved Shuichi? Still the loving look and sweet sinful feel of Tohma's lips cause heat to rise in his cheeks as he continued to stare at the moon remembering.

_What am I waiting for_

_ You're not in the the room_

_ Time is only like a bad sound _

_I can't sleep, my chest hurts_

_ Now I'm waiting _

_Waiting alone _

_We saw together that day's moon _

_Somewhere now you're seeing it_

Tohma was waiting for what he knew would be an over excited Ryuichi at their apartment. He decided to listen to the radio, when he heard Bad Luck's song 'In the Moonlight'. He went over to his window over looking the city with a hand pressed against the glass looking up at the moon wondering what Eiri was doing right now. The reminder of his face showing complete ecstasy was something Tohma thought about often, but the song made the feelings that much stronger at the moment.

_Why am I laughing now _

_even if I can't remember your voice_

_ Walking together on the streets at night_

_ looking at a picture just a while _

_The darkness of my selfishness _

_I can see your tears even now _

_I couldn't say a word _

Time ran away the sky is burning and the sky is slowly melting away

Eiri felt a single tear slide down his cheek. Shuichi was coming home and he missed him. Though right now he was thinking of his one-night stand with Tohma. It was disgraceful to be thinking of this now when the one he loved was coming home. The thoughts in his mind were racing just a bit. He didn't think he could breathe after a moment. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. He shouldn't have betrayed Shuichi like that. Shuichi loved him more than anything and the young pink haired rockstar was probably looking forward to when he came home and saw him. His hand started to slide down the glass as another tear escaped and he felt pain in his chest. Shuichi...

_That last night I saw you_

_ It doesn't matter anymore_

_ Its maybe is selfishness_

_ but my heart is telling me_

_ That I want to see you right now_

The door opened behind Tohma and in stepped Ryuichi.

"Tohma!", he said excitedly before stopping and opening his eyes taking in everything about his blonde lover and the way he stood as if lost in thought.

Tohma had turned and looked at him with a shadow of a smile. "Good to see you Ryu-", he said before he was cut off by a slap to the face. Tohma looked at his lover shocked. Ryuichi was no longer acting like a child, but had the mature look on his face that he had when he sang. "Wha-"

"Don't even talk Tohma. I have known you for years. I can tell you did something stupid. You slept with Eiri didn't you? Didn't you?", he said visibly upset.

Tohma said nothing and just merely looked away from Ryuichi's accusing glare. He didn't think he'd feel this guilty about one time and yet seeing how hurt Ryuichi was it became an overwhelming feeling.

Ryuichi looked at him with tears streaming down his face and his voice shaky. "I can't believe I trusted you. As a friend, a band member, as a lover, I can't believe I trusted you."

Tohma looked at his hurt face. "Ryuichi...I'm sorry...", he said to him reaching out to him.

Ryuichi pulled back. "I will be back later. I just need to go and clear my head or something.", he said giving one last hurt look to Tohma before leaving and slamming the door. He hoped Shuichi wouldn't find out. That kid was way more fragile than he seemed.

Tohma just looked to where Ryuichi was standing moments before. How had he not realized how precious Ryuichi was to him? He had even left his wife for him and yet still he hurt him. He fell to the ground and allowed himself to cry. "Ryuichi..."

_What am I waiting for_

_ You're not in the room _

_Time is only like a bad sound_

_ I can't sleep, my chest hurts_

Shuichi finally got home to his and Eiri's apartment. "Yuki! Yuki!", he called out excitedly. He went into the livingroom to see Eiri lying flat on the ground with the moonlight shining over him. A small bit of blood trailed down his cheek from the corner of his mouth and it looked like he was crying. Shuichi's eyes widened. "Yuki! What's wrong? Oh God Yuki...", he said with tears sliding down his own cheeks.

Eiri opened his eyes but just barely. "I am so sorry Shuichi...I love you.", he said touching Shuichi's face.

"Its ok, Yuki. Whatever it is, its ok. Just don't leave me. I don't want to be without you Yuki.", Shuichi said crying.

The guilt was eating away at him so much now. "I can't believe I betrayed an angel who has nothing but love for me. I hope you will be able to forgive me one day, Shuichi. Remember that you are who I love more than anything.", Yuki said closing his eyes.

"No! I love you too, Yuki. Please...stay with me...Yuki...", Shuichi shook him, but there was no answer. "Yuki...Yuki...YUKI!", he screamed out.

'I will love you forever. Thanks for bringing light back to my life, Shuichi Shindou', Yuki thought just before fading away.

_Now I'm waiting_

_ Waiting alone_

_ We saw together that day's moon_

_ Somewhere now you're watching it_

It had been two weeks since Shuichi lost Eiri. Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper were on hiatus. Tohma and Ryuichi only talked when it pertained to the band and there was talk of Ryuichi leaving Nittle Grasper for good.

On this cold night, the two week anniversary of Eiri's death, Shuichi found himself staring at the moon knowing somewhere out there Eiri was seeing this too.

* * *

So sorry. The song is 'In the Moonlight'. It is from the 2nd Gravitation OVA. It is the song that Shuichi sings to Eiri, but as you can see the song caused Eiri and Tohma to think of each other in the end of it all. Sorry for killing Eiri. I hope it was good otherwise.


End file.
